For so many years of residing in this excruciating world, many hitches have come my way. Though the outside portrays a gleeful icon, but inside is a heart that bleeds. At times or should I say most of the time, I am that kind of person. Problems and predicaments have never been absent. In any aspect of circumstances, it is always present. For a college freshman student like me, PRESSURE, STRESS, LONGING FOR LOVED ONES, POOR HEALTH, CROWD EXPECTATIONS are just some basic conflicts; basic as it is but is hard to tackle. One thing I’m afraid most is REJECTION. People can’t be what they are for they are afraid that they might be rejected and their so called “friends” can’t accept them for who they really are. I’ve also encountered INFIDELITY in a relationship not only on the other but on both sides. For some cost, it brought too much pain. For this problem, what matters most I guess is ‘understanding.’ For if both of you know the insights of each other, you will be free to express what you really feel and bridge all the gaps and lapses.
For the matter of REJECTION, yes! That word might sound agonistic for because of that word, I’m forcing myself to do what I don’t want to do just for the sake of ‘good impression.’ Just can’t imagine how painful it is to my being. I learned to cope with this problem by trying to express my true emotions process by process still considering other people’s opinion. As time goes by, I just realize that whoever I am, there are still those who can stand by my side till the end. As I can say now, ‘fear of rejection’ is just a psychological problem. To solve this, the answer is just within us.
In school, PRESSURE, STRESS and CROWD EXPECTATIONS can be handled by learning to balance ‘time.’ I guess this is the most important. If I got limited time, I make sure that before the deadline, I’ve done working on the most important things, but still, there are times in which I don’t know what to do first and just stay at one side and let my brain function- to my own bump, I’ve realized that I’ve done nothing. I guess I have to do more reflections on this to reach a better and more peaceful mind.
CROWD EXPECTATION is also just a psychological problem. There was a time where all I did was to make other people happy, impress them and do what pleases them. At one point I came to ask myself, “Am I happy for making others happy?” one side of me says yes but the other is imposing no. Yes because I feel like I’m paying back their efforts and satisfying their suppositions. No because I know I can do more for myself if not because of them but then I tried to balance both. I got some bad and good feedbacks. Though some are negative but I’m happy. I feel like I did something great for myself.
POOR HEALTH. I just can’t escape from this tiny thing. Tiny for some reasons that there’s something worst than this. I guess this was brought by my own recklessness- staying up late at night, and stressing myself by thinking so much of my failures. Then again, I believe that this would heal if I handle things accordingly and properly my way so I can be happier.
LONGING FOR LOVED ONES. Studying here in SPUI was not just an easy endeavor for it is a choice that made me separate from my loved ones especially my parents and my grandma. Though it’s hard to find time going home, I still give effort to visit every week for I know it isn’t just me longing for them but them longing for me too. Seeing them happy makes me happier.
Being free from ailment, sickness, evil, ending conflicts, reconciling and having a pure soul is being HEALED. Upon healing, a person experiences the state of heaven and is exposed to PEACEFUL ENVIRONMENT giving that person all the reasons to be totally HAPPY!
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